Animal Jokes
List of Animal Jokes ...
Misbehaving Guide Dog
A blind man was standing on the corner with his dog when the dog raised his leg and wet on the man's trouser leg. The man reached in his pocket an ...Read More
Meals on Wheels
Once upon a time, there was a cat who died. When she got to heaven, God asked her how she liked being on earth. She told the Lord that it was awful -- ...Read More
Matador Special
A man on a business trip in Mexico decides to take in a bull fight. After the event, he stops in to the little dive next to the venue called "The Mata ...Read More
Make My Horse Laugh
There once was this bar with a sign in its window. It read, anyone who can make my horse laugh will have all the drinks they want on the house. So thi ...Read MoreImpressive Hunting Dog
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. S ...Read MoreIdiot Chicken Farmer
An idiot decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the dealer for another hundred ...Read MoreHung Like An Elephant
This little boy is visiting the zoo with his father. They stop to have a look at an elephant and the kid just stares at it in fascination. Eventually ...Read MoreHelping To Clean The Dishes
Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer ...Read MoreGorilla Chase!
There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and ha ...Read MoreGetting Excited at the Zoo
It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, ...Read MoreFur Fortune
Mike and Bill, are hanging out in the lone bar in a one-horse town in northern Idaho, when a local rancher walks in carrying a wolf pelt. "Good wor ...Read MoreFlying Turtle
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and cr ...Read MoreFleas
Q: What did one flea say to the other flea? A: Shall we walk or take a dog? ...Read MoreFarmer Joe and his Mule
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. I ...Read MoreFarmer and the Pretty Lady
One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped ...Read MoreEnchanted Rattlesnake
It was spring in the old west. The cowboys rode the still snow choked trails looking for cattle that survived the winter. As one cowboy's horse we ...Read MoreElephant and Man
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?" ...Read MoreDucks in Heaven
Three women die in a car accident and go to Heaven. Saint Peter meets them at the Gates and welcomes them saying "you can do as you please in Heaven, ...Read MoreDragging your feet
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowin ...Read MoreDangerous Squirrels
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe’s first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob’s lead. Bob saw a small herd of de ...Read MoreComfortable
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order ...Read MoreClever Doggie
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the ...Read MoreChuckie Chicken
An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket girl said, "Sir, what is that on your shoulder?" The old farmer said, "That is my pet rooster ...Read MoreCamel Questions
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well s ...Read MoreCalf Value
A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what h ...Read MoreBeethoven's Chicken
Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? It kept saying "Bach, Bach, Bach..." ...Read MoreBear on a Rampage
Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their li ...Read MoreBear Hunt
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wo ...Read MoreAt The Circus
A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them. "Mommy, what's that long thing ...Read MoreA Koala and a Hooker
A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on ...Read More20,000 Cockroaches
Customer: Do you have and cockroaches? Clerk: Yes we sell them to the fisherman. Customer: I would like 20,000 of them. Clerk: What would you ...Read MoreCock A Doodly Doo!
This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster which he ...Read MoreJesus and the Robber
One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" while he rumagged through the desk. He replied, "Who said tha ...Read MoreHow'd you want them
A little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes. In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. N ...Read MoreGot a headache
It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the gorilla ca ...Read MoreGoodbye To Mother
A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat s ...Read More
The Mink Coat
A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the ...Read MoreThe Hunting Dog
Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any duc ...Read MoreLiving with the Wolf Man
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he ...Read MoreMonkey Organization
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down. The monkeys ...Read MoreWittle Wabbit
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?" And the shopkeeper ge ...Read MoreThe Other Side
Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. ...Read MoreLion Tamer
Two unemployed guys are talking. One says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know nothing about no li ...Read MoreVampire bat
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all ...Read MoreCat treadmills. They need a fitness centre too!
...Read MoreA lifelong fear of bread and a loss of one of nine lives
...Read MoreCats would make excellent stock market analysts
...Read MoreCat's are smarter than you think!
...Read MoreFunny farm!
...Read MoreSlow Speed Accident
...Read MoreRacist Pets?
...Read MoreCat Bite
...Read MoreCute Cat
...Read MoreCat Escape Plan
...Read MoreFat Cat
...Read MoreA Little Help from my Friend
...Read MoreOne of his 9 Lives is now Missing
...Read MoreIf swimming is such good exercise, explain whales?
...Read MoreLife or Death Issue
There once was a lady who was very concerned about her missing parrot. Not knowing what to do, she called 911. "You gotta help me find my parrot!" ...Read More
Three Bulls
Three bulls, one large, one medium, and one small, were standing in the pasture and had just heard that the farmer had just bought a new, larger bull. ...Read MoreThe Goat
Three guys were walking in the forest and came across a big hole in the path. To find out how deep the hole was, they threw some rocks in it, but d ...Read MoreTalking Horse
A jogger is running down a country road as a horse yells at him from the paddock: "Hey mate, come over here!" The jogger is surprised but runs ...Read MoreSix Foot Cockroach
A man is sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rings. He opens the door, and there is a six-foot tall cockroach that punches him between ...Read MoreThe Centipede
A man goes into a pet shop and asks the owner if he could buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner says that he's got a centipede that can ...Read MoreRooster Race
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. ...Read MoreGiraffe
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They get so drunk the giraffe passes out. At closing time the barman says its time to go and you can't leave ...Read MoreWorm
What is worse than finding a worm in your apple is finding half a worm in your apple. ...Read MoreSick Bird
What do you give a sick bird? A tweetment. ...Read MoreWhere do Easter Eggs come from?
...Read MoreA real HOT DOG
...Read MoreStop taking my picture! Even apes hate the paparazzi!
...Read MoreWatch for Ice! ...apparently bears can't read.
...apparently bears can't read. ...Read MoreA Brave Little Doggie
He may be small but he is brave. ...Read MoreHorse power
An out-of-towner accidentally drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse name ...Read MoreAnimal football match
One day the big animals and the little animals decided to have a football game. As the first half went along, the big animals were scoring at will. Ev ...Read MoreBilingual Dog
A police dog responds to an ad for work with the FBI. "Well," says the personnel director, "You'll have to meet some strict requirements. First, you m ...Read MoreSmart Dog
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the dog is back again. He walks over to the ...Read MorePrize Goat
Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he ...Read MoreWhat type of snake
There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until the ...Read MoreKing of the jungle
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animal ...Read MoreBaby Turtle
A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch an ...Read More
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