Lawyer Jokes

List of Lawyer Jokes ...

  • Joe the lawyer   

    Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for ...Read More
  • Turn your traffic   

    Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three en ...Read More
  • Jury Selection   

    The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Don O'Brian was called for his question ses ...Read More
  • Terrorists   

    A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. Mor ...Read More
  • Reading Of The Will   

    A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, ...Read More
  • Opposing lawyers   

    Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Bot ...Read More
  • Frog, warts and all   

    A lawyer walks into a pub with a frog on his head. The bar attendant asks. "what's that on your head? The frog says. "I don't know, it started o ...Read More
  • Generous lawyer   

    A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of ...Read More
  • Billing   

    A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the do ...Read More
  • 10 Husbands, Still a Virgin   

    A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still ...Read More
  • A Lawyer and a Blonde   

    A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would ...Read More
  • Lawyer on a Bicycle   

    If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle. ...Read More
  • A Jury of Lawyers   

    A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, de ...Read More
  • A Lawyer for Science   

    At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another: "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for ou ...Read More
  • Throw the Lawyer from the Train   

    Two Americans, a businessman and a lawyer, were traveling on a train in Europe. Sharing the compartment with them were a Cuban and a Russian. After ...Read More
  • Perked My Interest?   

    How can you tell a lawyer is lying? Other lawyers look interested. ...Read More
  • Who Chose First?   

    Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers? New Jersey had first choice. ...Read More
  • Lawyers on the Farm   

    How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly! ...Read More
  • Lawyer on a Stamp   

    Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit on. ...Read More
  • Can't be a Lawyer   

    A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked, "I should have suspected he wasn't ...Read More
  • A Criminal Lawyer?   

    Excuse me, a young fellow said to an older librarian, "I've just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers." "Well," replied t ...Read More
  • Lawyer Becomes a Judge   

    A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancie ...Read More
  • Everybody Hates Lawyers   

    The first lawyer questioning a panel of prospective jurors began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, "Do any of you he ...Read More
  • Lawyer Hit and Run   

    A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved t ...Read More
  • Last Wish   

    A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn ...Read More
  • Complement the Lawyer   

    You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background, sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't ...Read More
  • Lawyer's Bribe   

    A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The ...Read More
  • Ran into a Lawyer   

    A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, " ...Read More
  • Business is Dying   

    An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you ...Read More
  • Divorce Lawyer   

    A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink env ...Read More
  • No Lawyers in Heaven   

    It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Pet ...Read More
  • Lawyer in the Bar   

    The bartender asks him "What'll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five ...Read More
  • Looks Good on a Lawyer?   

    What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman. ...Read More
  • The Difference between a Lawyer and a Trampoline   

    What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You should take your workboots off before you jump on a trampoline. ...Read More
  • A Charitable Lawyer   

    A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions ...Read More
  • Lawyer's Tombstone   

    A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." ...Read More
  • Law in the Bar   

    The bartender asks him "What ll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That ll be five dollars" ...Read More
  • Two Lawyers Drowning   

    If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you read the paper or go to lunch? ...Read More
  • Big-City Lawyer   

    A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through wh ...Read More
  • Lawyer Trick   

    A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement ...Read More
  • Signs   

    A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her and began to feel humiliated on account of her con ...Read More
  • The Loophole   

    Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the a ...Read More
  • The Will   

    Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and replie ...Read More
  • How a Lawyer "Will" Help You   

    Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and repli ...Read More
  • Not Giving Up Without A Fight   

    A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fe ...Read More
  • Lawyer Translator   

    A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his captu ...Read More
  • How to deal with Lawyers   

    A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enj ...Read More
  • Lawyer Brain   

    A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choi ...Read More
  • Practice Law in Line   

    A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns ...Read More
  • Daddy is a Lawyer   

    Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. ...Read More
  • A Brand New Car   

    One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen whee ...Read More
  • The Lawyer and a one track Mind   

    Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fu ...Read More
  • Ashamed to be called a Lawyer   

    After years of hard work, Angie took her first vacation on a luxury cruise ship. While sitting in a deck chair, she recognized a former high school cl ...Read More
  • Hostage Situation   

    A group of Arab terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. Mo ...Read More
  • A stingy old lawyer   

    A stingy old attorney, who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After m ...Read More
  • The Tiger and the Lawyer   

    The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass ...Read More
  • An Lawyer and a Trampoline   

    What's the difference between an attorney and a trampoline? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline. ...Read More
  • A Sinner   

    The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins: 1.Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew ...Read More
  • Lawyer and the Czech   

    A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer ...Read More
  • Lab Rat Lawyers   

    At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for o ...Read More
  • Strange, an Honest Lawyer   

    A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. ...Read More
  • No Lawyers in Heaven   

    God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you th ...Read More
  • How can a child understand   

    A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim ...Read More
  • Lawyer Hunting Season   

    NEVADA HUNTING SEASON AND BAG LIMIT ON ATTORNEYS 1. Any person with a valid Nevada hunting license may harvest attorneys. 2. Attorneys may be taken ...Read More
  • Lawyer at the Pearly Gates   

    A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. ...Read More

 

 

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