Lawyer Jokes
List of Lawyer Jokes ...
Joe the lawyer
Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for ...Read MoreTurn your traffic
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three en ...Read MoreJury Selection
The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Don O'Brian was called for his question ses ...Read MoreTerrorists
A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. Mor ...Read MoreReading Of The Will
A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will: "To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, ...Read MoreOpposing lawyers
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Bot ...Read MoreFrog, warts and all
A lawyer walks into a pub with a frog on his head. The bar attendant asks. "what's that on your head? The frog says. "I don't know, it started o ...Read MoreGenerous lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of ...Read MoreBilling
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the do ...Read More10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still ...Read MoreA Lawyer and a Blonde
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would ...Read MoreLawyer on a Bicycle
If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle. ...Read MoreA Jury of Lawyers
A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, de ...Read MoreA Lawyer for Science
At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another: "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for ou ...Read MoreThrow the Lawyer from the Train
Two Americans, a businessman and a lawyer, were traveling on a train in Europe. Sharing the compartment with them were a Cuban and a Russian. After ...Read MorePerked My Interest?
How can you tell a lawyer is lying? Other lawyers look interested. ...Read MoreWho Chose First?
Why is it that New Jersey got all the toxic waste dumps and California got all the lawyers? New Jersey had first choice. ...Read MoreLawyers on the Farm
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly! ...Read MoreLawyer on a Stamp
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit on. ...Read MoreCan't be a Lawyer
A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked, "I should have suspected he wasn't ...Read MoreA Criminal Lawyer?
Excuse me, a young fellow said to an older librarian, "I've just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers." "Well," replied t ...Read MoreLawyer Becomes a Judge
A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancie ...Read MoreEverybody Hates Lawyers
The first lawyer questioning a panel of prospective jurors began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, "Do any of you he ...Read MoreLawyer Hit and Run
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved t ...Read MoreLast Wish
A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn ...Read MoreComplement the Lawyer
You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background, sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't ...Read MoreLawyer's Bribe
A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The ...Read MoreRan into a Lawyer
A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, " ...Read MoreBusiness is Dying
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you ...Read MoreDivorce Lawyer
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink env ...Read MoreNo Lawyers in Heaven
It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Pet ...Read MoreLawyer in the Bar
The bartender asks him "What'll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five ...Read MoreLooks Good on a Lawyer?
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman. ...Read MoreThe Difference between a Lawyer and a Trampoline
What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You should take your workboots off before you jump on a trampoline. ...Read MoreA Charitable Lawyer
A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions ...Read MoreLawyer's Tombstone
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." ...Read MoreLaw in the Bar
The bartender asks him "What ll you have?". The guy answers, "A scotch, please". The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That ll be five dollars" ...Read MoreTwo Lawyers Drowning
If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you read the paper or go to lunch? ...Read MoreBig-City Lawyer
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through wh ...Read MoreLawyer Trick
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was very strong evidence indicating guilt, but no corpse had been found. In the defense's closing statement ...Read MoreSigns
A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her and began to feel humiliated on account of her con ...Read MoreThe Loophole
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the a ...Read MoreThe Will
Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and replie ...Read MoreHow a Lawyer "Will" Help You
Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and repli ...Read MoreNot Giving Up Without A Fight
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fe ...Read MoreLawyer Translator
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his captu ...Read MoreHow to deal with Lawyers
A truck driver would amuse himself by running over lawyers. Whenever he saw a lawyer walking down the side of the road he would swerve to hit him, enj ...Read MoreLawyer Brain
A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choi ...Read MorePractice Law in Line
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns ...Read MoreDaddy is a Lawyer
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. ...Read MoreA Brand New Car
One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen whee ...Read MoreThe Lawyer and a one track Mind
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fu ...Read MoreAshamed to be called a Lawyer
After years of hard work, Angie took her first vacation on a luxury cruise ship. While sitting in a deck chair, she recognized a former high school cl ...Read MoreHostage Situation
A group of Arab terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. Mo ...Read MoreA stingy old lawyer
A stingy old attorney, who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness, was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After m ...Read MoreThe Tiger and the Lawyer
The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass ...Read MoreAn Lawyer and a Trampoline
What's the difference between an attorney and a trampoline? You take your boots off to jump on a trampoline. ...Read MoreA Sinner
The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins: 1.Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew ...Read MoreLawyer and the Czech
A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer ...Read MoreLab Rat Lawyers
At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for o ...Read MoreStrange, an Honest Lawyer
A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. ...Read MoreNo Lawyers in Heaven
God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. When Satan heard this, he laughed and said, "And where do you th ...Read MoreHow can a child understand
A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?" Tim ...Read MoreLawyer Hunting Season
NEVADA HUNTING SEASON AND BAG LIMIT ON ATTORNEYS 1. Any person with a valid Nevada hunting license may harvest attorneys. 2. Attorneys may be taken ...Read MoreLawyer at the Pearly Gates
A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. ...Read More
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